The Best I Ever Had
by AllynDupe
Summary: Zack made a horrible mistake breaking up with Cloud, someone he discovers he loves with all his heart. With his head spinning and a little advice from a stealthy Turk, Zack decides exactly what needs to be done to fix his mistake. Lyrics c State Of Shock.


Zack Fair walked slowly up the driveway towards a large, mansion like exhibit of a house. School had just been let out for the summer that afternoon, and he was readily attending the annual, "End Of The Year," party that was thrown at his friend Sephiroth's house every year. It was a way to say hello to Summer, toss the harpoon at School, and get ready to enjoy all the sunny skies, warm breezes, and sleep in's that lay ahead for each teen.

Zack looked as if he was very prepared to attend such a rediculously crowded and even more so energetic and wild, house party. (Regardless of the fact that Sephiroth's house could hardly be considered average sized.) His clothing choice was perfection, he had money in his pocket, a twelve pack of beer in his hand, car keys jingling off his belt like Christmas bells, and a smile on his face. However, Zack looked and felt much different underneath his flesh; on the inside, where emotions were raw and skeletel.

_Now I know I messed up bad.  
You were the best I ever had.  
I let you down in the worst way.  
It hurts me every single day.  
I'm dying to let you know._

On the inside, Zack was frowning. His limbs were frail, his hair dry, frayed and white. His bones felt coated in rust; his heart felt as if it needed to be chisled out of an iceblock. His movements were slow; like that of a sloth, and he felt as though each step consumed more and more of his very limited energy, like a greedy monster that was never satisfied.

Regardless of how he felt in his heart, he continued to flaunt his sunny disposition that was brighter than any sunrise, rather cheerfully. He knew if he acted otherwise, if he acted in the painful way his mind, heart and body was telling him to, questions would wash in like a tsunami. An earthquake of lies would have to come from him to cover up his feelings and mistakes; something he simply disliked doing. After those two disasters of words and drama, the tornado of guilt would set it, wiping out all trace of will one could possibly have to lie anymore; simply pushing every ounce of simplicity to cover up problems, over the edge of the earth. Just to fall into open space, secluded and joyless.

So, Zack Fair kept his brutally happy smile drawn onto his lips with the permanent marker of life and lies; and took his first several steps through the front door of his good friends rather intruded home.

All he saw were people; your typical house party. The rap music came blasting from the large living room, the bass rattling off the walls, tipping picture frames and sending little tingles of vibration up through sneakers. Sephiroth's family was so rich, each and every time he had this yearly house party, he had consent to hire a DJ. So, the DJ sat in the living room, operating the soundtrack of the night, as always. Zack made his way into the kitchen, astonished by all the unfamilliar faces he was noticing. He placed the beer he had carried from his house on the center island; deciding whoever wanted to go to town on it could go right ahead.

For, there was someone Zack needed to locate, and as fast as possible. He continued to push through people gently, mumbling the scarse "Excuse me," or "Excuse me, please," That was harshly unheard by the gallant whisper of the party that had everyone trapped in a vortex.

His eyes scanned every corner, every cluster of dancing, talking, flirting, interacting teenagers, every couch, chair and peice of furnitire...Nothing. He was unsure if he would even attend the party this year for he was a rather quiet, introverted guy who hated any kind of party with a scortching fire passion. Zack didn't even know if he was going to attempt to talk to him if he was spotted, and something quiet and cynnical in the back of his head, asked him why he was bothering.

_Now I'm here to say I'm sorry,  
And ask for a second chance.  
'Cause when it all comes down to the end,  
I could sure use a friend._

On and on he scanned the crowd, his eyes stinging as if they were being peirced with nails. Nothing. Zack felt his head reeling; knowing that if he wasn't here, almost the entire perpose of attending the party would be totally vanquished.

And finally, after what seemed like a decade of strain, search and worry, Zack's eyes settled down the the figure of just the guy he was looking for. He saw Cloud Strife sitting in front of the living room fireplace on the stone that stretched out in front of it. Next to him, sat his best friend of several years, Tifa Lockhart. He knew the pair were rather close with eachother, something he sometimes wanted to forget...

He started to slowly walk over, drowning in the dancing people like fish in the ocean; the loud music was the thick, salt water.

Cloud sat close to the edge, and Tifa was barely even inches away. He saw the dull, coppery glint of a beer bottle she held in one had. The other, was wrapped around Cloud's; their fingers intertwined like the beautiful ribbon sitting on top of a gift. However, to Zack, this gift was far from pretty, as if was even far from a gift. It was a curse, a bad omen, and everything he didn't want his mind or eyes to experience.

Tifa was leaning close to Cloud, and he and she were obviously having some kind of in depth conversation. Another beer bottle was sitting at Cloud's feet, although it wasn't a usual hobby of his to go to parties and drink. In fact, it was something he often said was "Rediculous" or "Stupid and reckless." In that boring, monotonious voice that seemed to be a virus trapped inside his voice box.

Zack felt like everything was going into slow motion; time was becoming numb and laggy, like an old computer trying to play and even more ancient video. He imagined he would see Tifa lean up and kiss Cloud - Their lips would touch ever so suddenly and softly, before growing passionate. Their tounges would touch briefly, his hands on her hips. The close to empty beer bottle she clasped in her hand would fall to the hardwood floor with a loud crash, something that barely anyone would notice. It wouldn't smash but it would roll a little, the remainder of the contents spilling out as it moved a tiny distance across the floor, underneath and around the feet of other teens.

Zack rushed over, still ensnared in his imagination as if it was a beartrap, caught and trapped under the frozen ice surface that seperated what he saw from what he thought he saw. When he arrived, however, reality blinded him like car headlights.

_So many things I would take back,  
You were the best I ever had.  
I don't blame you for hating me,  
I didn't mean to make you leave._Both Tifa and Cloud stared at their sudden and unexpected guest. Zack felt his heart beginning to race, and his face becoming flush. He looked solumn and felt weak at the ankles, as he let a greeting escape his throat, hoping it didn't sound shaken or worried.

"...Hey, Cloud."

Cloud's eyes flashed with just an ounce of pain, almost instantly. His expression, however, did not change. He stared at Zack for several seconds, and the gaze between the two boys was rather subtle. Tifa looked at Cloud with heartache, she seemed to be fretting or worrying about something; about him.

Zack swallowed, running a hand through his hair as awkward feelings like freezing cold water was spashed over the trio. He took a step forward, feeling hesitant, yet bold and daring. "Cloud, I - "

Cloud got up from the fireplace ledge where he sat, and turned to walk away, his foot slightly striking the beer bottle that previously sat near him. It toppled over on it's side and a few drops dribbled out and onto the floor, as it rolled a slight distance.

Cloud pushed through the many figures, voices, faces and personalities, in his desperate rush to escape the harsh feelings that were born when two ex's were standing face to face, with no particular thing to say. The feelings of awkward, unpleasant and inability hatched from their soft, harsh little eggs, only to emerge and torture the souls closest to them.

Zack watched the spikey, blonde hair of his ex boyfriend disappear amongst the people he recognized, and the ones that he didn't. He felt like his chest was collapsing and caving in - As if his heart would be buried in the rubble of flesh, bone and depression that decended. Suddenly he felt someone give him a mightly shove on his shoulder, and although he thought it wouldn't, it certainly brought him back into focus of where he was, what he was doing and who exactly was standing in front of him.

Tifa scowled at him like he had just committed the most disgusting of crimes. "What are you doing?!" She demanded, crossing her arms and shifting her weight to one leg, expecting him to give her a straight answer.

_You and I were living like a lovesong,  
I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone.  
Now I know you're the only one that I want.  
I want you back, I want you._

However, Zack was unsure of that task was even possible. "Tifa, I'm..." He let his voice trail off as he ran his hand through his hair again; Something he often did when he was stressed out of nervous beyond his limits. In this situation, he was both. "I didn't mean -

"Look, isn't the fact that you broke up with him enough? Do you have to come over, when I'M trying to make him feel better, and act like things are so..." Tifa lost her words, and continued to glare at the boy with the black hair and sapphire eyes; flustered. "So...normal."

"Make him feel better?" Zack felt blown away. For, as far as he could see, all Tifa was doing was trying to come onto him, trying to have him for her own, trying to be his... "What I saw didn't look much like you were trying to make him feel better, Tifa. It looked more like you..."

Tifa's angry expression increased. "Like I was what, Zack?" Her voice sounded beyond irritated, and she began to drum her fingers on one of her crossed arms, waiting. Just waiting for him to find what he wanted to say and force it into the open.

"More like you were...Nothing, nevermind." Zack avoided Tifa's firely yet subtle eyes, and started to walk away. "Talk to you later, Tifa."

He evidently had come to a decision inside his rather mixed up teenage skull, that telling Tifa about the way he thought they had looked would simply just cause a large, embarrassing and hectic scene. Especially considering Tifa, being the rather objective person she was, would definately pick a fight, using what he said as a weapon. He knew for a fact that wasn't fun, and often the people who tried to or started big scenes at one of Sephiroth's parties were thrown out. And, he didn't need that, for he still had Cloud all over his mind, infecting it, threading through it, shredding it with thoughts and depression, like an internet virus.

_Now I'm here to say I'm sorry,  
And ask for a second chance.  
'Cause when it all comes down to the end,  
I could sure use a friend._

Zack Fair made his way up the long, steep stairs in the center of Sephiroth's house. He needed to seek refuge and hide from all the people, and the music that was causing a premature headache to swell and bloom.

There were people upstairs, but it wasn't nearly as highly populated as the lower floors. The bottom floor was covered like an ant hill being destroyed, and the remaining three upstairs floors were probably scarsely dotted with people, like some kind of barren country.

Upon the second floor he saw a group of teenagers that liked to call themselves "The Turks" They were crowded in front of a bedroom, all sitting on the floor, smoking ciggarettes or drinking; Something that was typical behavior for them. He noticed Cissnei, the only person in that particular clique that he hung out with and even really liked, give him a smile as he passed them by.

Zack did his best to attempt a smile back, although he knew he must have looked pathetic at that time, and he rushed way to his destination, one of the many bathrooms in the house, making no effort to hide his blind hurry and upset emotions.

He opened the closed washroom door, and peeked inside. Not a wandering soul occupied the cold, tile walls, and it somehow reminded him of a prison. He closed the door behind him and turned the lock, breathing out an aggitated sigh. Zack walked over and looked at himself in the mirror, and he saw a washed up image.

He saw himself frowning for the first time in what seemed like years; and he saw that he looked pale, and rather distressed or frustrated. Zack turned on the cold water tap, and he let the clear, crystalline water fall into the sink and disappear into the drain, that looked like a little black hole. For another few seconds Zack looked at what was left of him in the mirror; he felt as if most of what he usually was had been washed away by a tidal wave. The tidal wave of mistake, and he felt horrible, as if someone cruel was stabbing him over and over again with a hot branding stick.

_Now I'm here to say I'm sorry,  
And ask for a second chance.  
All I want to do is make it up to you,  
'Cause when it all comes down to the end,  
You were the best I ever had._

His hands met the water gently, and the freezing temperature was a little bit of a shock. He gathered the refreshing liquid into his cupped hands, and leaned down to splash it over his face. And he did this several times, just like he did in the morning. It helped give him a sense of wakefulness, and in some situations a sense of gathering or self control.

Feeling the cold water on his face was beginning to help, he continued to do it, further and far between. All he saw was the darkness hiding in the back of his eyelids, and all he could hear was his heart kicking up enough of a storm to fill his eardrums.

"So, Zack, what's eating you?"

Zack felt like he had just gotten a massive electric shock, as he jolted up straight, blinded by the icy water. He brought his hands to his eyes and rubbed them until they were clear enough to see a minimal of just a blurred image.

He saw a small, slightly short person leaning against the wall closest to the sink. He could smell ciggarette smoke so strong he felt as if he was standing in the middle of a ring of smokers. As his eyes continued to gradually clear the fog from all the water, he saw auburn hair that curled in ringlets a little farther than their shoulders. It was now obvious to Zack that this strange person was a woman, and he automatically knew who this intruder was.

"Cissnei...How'd you get in here?" Zack felt a little violated, grabbing a plain white towel off of the rack near the sink and smothering his face into it. Once he was completely dry, he looked at Cissnei, waiting for her explanation.

She blew smoke into the air next to him, and held up a quarter between two fingers of the hand she wasn't using for her cigarette. "It only takes a quarter to open those turning locks from the outside. There's a little tiny groove, and you can open the lock." She grinned mischeviously, and Zack couldn't help but smile himself.

_We fell in love for a reason,  
Now you're leaving.  
And I just want you back.  
So many things we believed in,  
Now you're leaving,  
And words won't bring you back.  
I'll never let go of the heart I broke.  
You and I were living like a lovesong,  
Now i know you're the only one that I want.  
I want you back, I want you._

'Only one of the Turks could pull that off.' Zack thought, shaking his head.

"All you need is a long fingernail, or a coin." Cissnei flipped the coin off her thumb and into the air, sending it spinning so fast it was a mere blur. She caught it again and returned it to her sweater pocket mindlessly. "But, that's not what this is about, anyway." Cissnei placed the burning cancer stick back between her lips, taking another drag and turning her head to blow it back out, being careful not to do it near Zack's face. "What's eating you? You seem so..." Cissnei began pacing absent-mindedly, across the cold bathroom floor. "Depressed. What's up?"

Zack sighed. "I dunno, I feel really awful about breaking up with Cloud. I just...I really, really regret doing it. " Zack began, leaning back against the sink and shutting his eyes for a second. "Any idea how I can get him to talk to me again? I want to apologize, and ask for another chance."

"Well," Cissnei turned and looked at him, before throwing the now burning ciggarette butt into the toilet and flushing it. "Why did you break up with him, exactly? You told me once before, but..." Her voice trailed off, as she sat on the edge of the bathtub.

"I thought he and Tifa..." Zack hesitated a moment, feeling Cissnei's eyes on him like two hot coals. "I thought he and Tifa had something going on behind my back...Because they're really close, you know how they are..."

"Yeah."

"Well, I still think they do a little, but...That's besides the point." Zack ran a hand through his hair for what felt like the millionth time that night. "I need to trust him...I'm just...I'm just so stupid. I wish I hadn't gotten so jealous, I mean...They're just friends, and, I know that, in the back of my mind." Zack rubbed his face a little, sighing and looking Cissnei in the eyes. "I just really, really need a second chance with this guy...He's the best thing that ever happened to me."

Cissnei smiled, and again, Zack could see that glint of mystery and mischeviousness in the eyes of his good friend. "Hey, Zack," She got up off the bathtub ledge, and walked over so that she was standing directly in front of him. She placed a hand on his shoulder, and the almost volcanic heat from her palm soaked through his clothes. "Why don't you tell Cloud everything you just told me? I don't need to hear it, he does. Get out of this bathroom, find Cloud, and tell him how you feel. It's the only way to catch your happiness again. "

Zack smiled. "...Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea." Zack leaned down a little and wrapped both arms around Cissnei's waist pulling her into a hug, and she lazily placed one arm across his back. "Thanks a lot, Cissnei. I'm glad I talked to you, I feel kind of like..." Zack pulled out of the hug and gave her a grin. "Kind of like I can do this. I'll talk to you later." Zack walked towards the bathroom door and opened it, starting to walk out.

"Good luck." Cissnei said, walking out behind him, and lighting another ciggarette as she made her way back out to her usual clique, and the people she fit in best with.

_Now I'm here to say I'm sorry,  
And ask for a second chance.  
All I want to do is make it up to you,  
'Cause when it all comes down to the end,  
I could sure use a friend.  
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry,  
And ask for a second chance.  
All I want to do is make it up to you,  
'Cause when it all comes down to the end,  
You were the best I ever had._  
Zack returned to where the real party was; on the first floor. The music was still just as loud, the people were still dancing, shouting and drinking. However, this time around, he didn't feel that watching it all was so exausting anymore. In fact, he felt so energized and refreshed that he could have went out and joined a few of the dancers - If he hadn't had such an important task to carry out.

Zack wandered into the living room, where he knew the DJ was located, playing music on giant speakers from his tiny laptop. He had a microphone in front of him, and he had what seemed like endless party music on a single list.

Zack slowly approached him, stepping across several thick cords that extended from the large speakers. The bass boomed over and over again with the beat of the song, making him feel like a very heavy frog was jumping around in his chest. He manuvered behind the table that the laptop was placed on in front of the DJ. "Hey," He greeted, waiting for a response.

"What?"

"Hey, uh, do you think I could get a favor from you?" Zack questioned, having to talk extremely loud, considering he was so close to the very source of the music. "It's really important, and I'd really appreciate it if you could do this for me."

"As long as it ain't too complicated, I might be able to swing somethin'." He replied, leaning his head on his hand. "So, what is it, pal? I ain't got all night."

"Would you mind pausing the music, for a few, and let me use your microphone? There's a message I really need to get out to someone. It's super important that I tell him - " Zack was cut off by the rather rude DJ, who got up from his chair and paused the music on the laptop. He walked a little to the side. "Make it quick, buddy."

Zack flopped down, hoping he wouldn't lose his words as he brought his mouth close to the microphone. "Um...Cloud Strife? I have something I need to say to - " A giant squeak wailed from the microphone, 'causing several people to cover their ears or groan. Zack swallowed, as all eyes had been on him since the minute the music stopped. "I have something I need to say. I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything, and I guess what I'm saying is...I need a second chance." Zack paused an instant, to wet his throat with what little saliva he had left. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you, and I didn't mean for our relationship to end on such hard terms. You don't have to take me back, but I want to at least be your friend...I can't stand that I hurt you, and I really needed to say this, I need to try and make things right between us. I'm so sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. That's all." He clicked the button that unpaused the music, and the party began to stirr up once again.

As he made his way through the crowd, looking for Cloud, he got million, "Way to go, Zack!"'s, and "Good job man!"'s and various types of praise and encouragements. It made him feel strong and confident, as he scanned all the people that surrounded him, for Cloud, feeling deja-vu that was strong like muscles of steel.

He noticed Cissnei at the top of the stairs, with a beer bottle in one hand. He could see her smiling down at him, and she flashed him a thumbs up with her other hand. Zack looked up at her and smiled, before taking his search into the kitchen.

And finally, he saw Cloud Strife, standing almost directly in front of him as he entered the more mildly populated kitchen.

_I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams,  
I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me.  
I feel so bad, I feel so bad.  
You were the best I ever had._Cloud stared hard into Zack's eyes, focused and thoughtful. He seemed to be deeply involved with his own mind, and he only seemed to wake up when Zack took a few hesitant steps toward him and spoke softly. "...You heard what I said, right?"

Zack could see Tifa watched from where she sat on a barstool by the minibar. She was eyeing them, and Zack was suddenly a little more worried about screwing up. He knew how well she took care of Cloud, and he still regretted jumping to what he considered now to be foolish conclusions.

Cloud nodded, taking a step towards his ex boyfriend, that he was so strangely longing for. "...Zack. I obviously still love you, I mean...You were the one who broke it off." Cloud's monotonous voice was barely audiable through the loud, obnoxious voices of the songs erupting through the rooms. "But, what I need to know is...Do you really mean it? You're really sorry..?"

Zack sighed, walking towards Cloud and taking his hands. Their faces were inches apart, and Zack had never felt such an intense surge of mixed up emotions. Nervousness, desperation, love, want, regret...He soaked up Cloud's beautiful cold teal eyes into his own. "Cloud. I really, really, REALLY mean it. I've been lost since almost the minute of the break up, and I regret doing it more than anything... I swear if you take me back, I'll never do a thing to hurt you ever again." Zack squeezed the blonde's hands in his own. "I promise. Something stupid like this will never happen again...I love you, okay? I promise." He embraced Cloud, holding their bodies close together, and on the inside where his heart was swelling to it's normal size, he felt as if he would refuse to ever let go.

Cloud sighed, and Zack could feel his heart beating through his body and into his own. He felt revived, as if was being brought back from a horrible death. "...Okay. I believe you. I love you, too...I never wanted to be away from you, Zack.."

At that moment, Zack felt a fire of passion in his heart, and a storm of happiness in his stomach. He and Cloud didn't release eachother's bodies, and Zack thought about how he felt when the party had begun. He recalled the timeline of the previous few hours in his mind.

He came to the party, and looked for Cloud. He saw Cloud and Tifa, got jealous, and made things awkward. He almost made a scene with Tifa, and went upstairs where he went to the bathroom to wash his face, and ended up in a conversation with the suspicious, amber haired girl, Cissnei. He came downstairs, delivered the message to Cloud over gigantic speakers for the world to hear, and now...He was savoring the best part of his night, like that last peice of a decadent chocolate bar.

He was finally able to be in the arms of the only person he loved unconditionally and endlessly; even if having to break up first showed him the shining light of that glory. He felt insane with bubbly emotions. Zack remembered how he had felt up until talking to Cissnei. He had wanted to dig a hole in his mind, and curl up inside it like a hibernating creature.

He somehow thought that he had done that. However, now Cloud had given him the boost he needed to rise from the gloomy ditch, and live, strive and love exactly where he wanted to be. The world could have frozen right then and there - Ended, without a single trace or reason, and Zack felt that he still would not have let go of Cloud.

The moment he was caught in; like a spider's web. The emotions he was feeling; like a rollercoaster, and the embrace he was experiencing; like a blooming rose, was all too much. It was something he could not, and never would want to escape.

_I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams,  
I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me.  
I feel so bad, I feel so bad.  
You were,  
You were the best I ever had._**The Best I Ever Had // END. **_  
_


End file.
